Where am I? You might ask. I’m currently sitting alone in a state park asking myself a different question. “How do I want to begin this project, this blog, my story?” As I’m sure most people do, I find I work best when isolated and my mind is free of all distractions. However, my self-isolation stems further than that of being productive. I am innately introverted. I have always enjoyed being alone. Sought after peace and quiet. Constantly searching for a space to simply exist freely. Perhaps even deeper than that, looking for purpose. This is where my story begins. Just me, another average human born into this world bound to the core traits of my inner soul.
I was born in what I now refer to as a “bubble” suburb, outside of Dallas, Texas. I had three older brothers, the closest in age being several years older than me. So being the youngest in a family of four boys I found myself often drawing, so I thought, the short end of the stick. I learned staying quiet and out of the way was the most affective tactic in the war that is the daily life of a predominantly testosterone filled household. This aspect of my life added to my introverted nature producing a noticeably quiet thoughtful personality. Why is all this important? The reason for this blog is to address a personal struggle of mine, that I sense many others will relate to. My struggle with mental health, and PTSD.
Neither of those terms are foreign to most of us I am sure, however for the sake of clarity, PTSD refers to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My Battle with mental health began long before I was fully aware of its presence. Emotional trauma can stem from a variety of circumstances and experiences. Showing itself in an even more dynamic concoction of symptoms. The origin of my such trauma is split evenly between childhood upbringing, and my own personal life choices and the places they have led me. My mental health unveiled itself to me after experiencing what I would later realize would be the darkest emotional years in my life thus far. Dragging me through a tormenting period of suicidal tendencies. There I chose to begin my journey towards healing and self-discovery.
As stated before, mental health and PTSD can have a wide array of symptoms. I have not decided fully the direction I intend to take this project, or how much of myself and my story I will choose to reveal. To some degree all my struggles with mental health will be addressed. I am however, choosing at first to focus specifically on my experience with self-isolation, social anxiety, and avoidance. The reason being, I have found this was my greatest hurdle to overcome and what I felt was the leading cause to a wide range of other symptoms, and in some ways amplified them. Through my healing process I had an epiphany. I struggled with this specific aspect of PTSD more so than others likely due to my already introverted nature. Being a homebody and someone who seeks my quiet space alone to sit, decompress, and arrange my thoughts, I leaned heavily into self-isolation and avoidance. I would like to say, however, that this page is not intended to be tailored specifically towards predominantly introverted people. This is just an important aspect of my life I know contributed to my struggle, healing processes, self-discovery and overall, my story
I look forward to seeing where this project leads as well as growing and learning along with each and every one of you.